(sorry for the blurry image)IMG_2953We are officially potty trained! Well, for the most part!

Owen did it all on his own too! He is completely day potty trained. We have only had 2 accidents in the last 2 weeks and they were both my fault. He goes to the bathroom without even needing to tell me that he needs to go. He does it all on his own and I’m so ecstatic! He even poops on the potty! Pooping we struggle a little with though. Owen is so disgusted by it that sometimes he refuses to poop! haha. Not good! So Bryan and I have been amping up how cool poop really is but also still explaining that it’s so special it belongs in the potty just like his pee! haha. But we haven’t had any poop accidents, it just takes a little coaxing to get Owen on the potty for it. I’m so glad that we can now retire this creepy potty that Owen maybe used 3 times! It was a waste! But maybe Jett will use it when it comes time to potty train him? Who knows?! But I’m glad it will no longer be creepily staring at me while I use the restroom anymore. As if I didn’t have enough eyes watching me already. Haha.

Seriously though! I never imagined potty training being so easy! I was so prepared for it to be one of the hardest obstacles for us, but really teaching Owen to walk was harder and he basically he did that all on his own too, well with the encouragement of seeing another little one walking. =)

If I had any advice to give other parents going through potty training I’d say to let your child guide you! They know when they are ready! Don’t try to force them to do it early on because you want them to be potty trained before you’re next baby arrives or because you want to fit into some standard. Making them do something they don’t want to do or are not ready for like potty training will only make them regress making it an even harder process for you. So save the frustration and sit back and relax. One day I bet you’re child will surprise you, like Owen did me, and start doing it on their own.

I’ve also learned that I need to have more faith in my children! haha. I really thought he wouldn’t be potty trained before his 3rd birthday and here we are an entire month until he turns 3 and he’s using the potty!

Happy potty training to those going through it or about to take that step! I hope the best with no frustrations and keep my advice in mind. 😉



Speaking in Abstracts

this post really made me open my eyes to what i’ve really been saying to Owen lately and helped me understand why i’ve been so frustrated with him. he clearly has been frustrated with me causing a chain reaction and the source of it all is the way i talk to him. parents we really need to choose our words wisely. =)

Educating the Heart

“That’s not nice!”

“Are you going to be good today?”

Good. Bad. Nice. Mean. Kind. Unkind. Friendly. Unfriendly. What do these words really mean to very small children? Most children are masters of reading context and signals to try to decode our meaning. They’re observant and intuitive, to a truly remarkable extent. From your frown and your tone, they will deduce that, “Not nice!” makes you unhappy, and they may feel upset, unsettled, or saddened by this, but will they understand why? And (here is the real heart of the issue) does nice or not nice always mean the same thing? They can’t possibly.

Think of the limitless possibilities in these subjective descriptive terms. A day can be nice, in general. A person can be nice, in general. A specific act or word or gesture from a person could also be nice (sharing is nice, hugs are nice, smiles…

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Breast feeding let down

No this isn’t literally about my let down, as in the release of my milk, although that is a factor in my reason for being so upset about breast feeding.
I was soooooooooo determined to make breast feeding work out with Jett because I had more knowledge than I had with Owen, enough to make it work. Wrong! My knowledge and experience meant nothing this time around. It’s all on the willingness of the baby too.
Sure I probably screwed up in so many ways to put me at this point, like introducing a bottle and formula and not pumping enough, but I also did so much to make up for all my mistakes.
Nothing I did to counteract my actions worked though. I’m sitting here sweating, peeing, and producing milk that all smells of maple syrup no thanks to the copious amounts of fenugreek I’ve been taking to boost my milk supply, which totally works, my mouth even tastes like I ate a maple donut. Not that I’m complaining! Best side effect I’ve ever experienced! Except the boost in supply was for nothing. I don’t pump enough to keep. Over the course of a week and pumping numerous times a day I manage to produce a whopping 1 OUNCE!!! Yeah! Pathetic! I thought producing barely an ounce at each session in the beginning was bad. 😦
Ugh! Jett’s latch had always been an issue too so I invested in a nipple shield. What a savior that was…. for half a day! Now Jett totally refuses to nurse. The shield really work but he caught onto my tricks and if I even try to get him into any nursing position or show him the breast he kicks and flails and screams and turns away but as soon as a bottle is in sight he calms down and immediately gets happy and will feed from that. Everything about my situation has discouraged me from trying anything else. Really there is nothing else I can do.
I’ve come to terms that I was not meant to breastfeed. But I can’t help but let it eat away at me. If formula didn’t exist and this was 100 years ago and if I couldn’t afford or had anyone to nurse my baby for me he would die. That’s terrible! I’m so extremely thankful for formula but I really do feel like I fail as a natural mother. I know it really shouldn’t be such a big deal, it just meant so much to me!
I’ve asked Bryan to never ever bring up breast feeding around me again. I’m so upset. At this moment I hate any mother that makes it look so easy! I know my hate will pass but its going to take a while before I can look at a breast feeding mom or hear about a successful breast feeding experience and not be jealous. I’ve never been so envious in my life! Like why can’t I have that awesome bonding experience?!?! Why do I have to miss out on that?!?! My passion and drive is all there! I just have one stubborn baby! Seriously I’m convinced he hates boobs. Bah! Really this is just a vent that I really needed to get out.
I do hope that one day I can be at peace with this but I have the feeling it’ll be when I’m like 40 when it seems most people come to terms with their lives. Right now though, I’m dissatisfied. Only with breast feeding. Well and maybe the fact that we still have not moved to hawaii but that shouldn’t be too far in the future.
Anyway, it’s awesome that some of you moms out there were able to make breast feeding work but right now I’m not on good terms with the topic so maybe if you don’t want any glares or me to talk bad about you then you should maybe talk to me about other things like stuff I’m good at like cloth diapering or eating pizza. Ha. Seriously though…. Now I’m smelling bacon, it’s not even being cooked in my house. Just the smell of maple reminds me of maple bacon. I’m going crazy!


Change in name

Recently i’ve been blogging more about my every day life being a mom rather than cloth diapering. This blog has taken a whole different route than I had intended so i’ve decided to stick with the change and add more change by renaming my blog. I have come up with a new name after searching the web and coming across a good piece on how to name a blog and I would like to share it here. I’ve made the common mistake, that so many do, by naming my blog after something that i simply cannot keep up with i.e. cloth diapering. ( I still cloth diaper, its just not something I can keep talking about, surprisingly! Ha)

I’m happy with the change and hope others will be as well!

drum roll…….. My Life Narrative Blog is the new name. I would have loved to go with My Life Narrative but evidently that was already taken. 😦 Oh well! Bryan even helped me come up with the name. I don’t know what I would do without him. haha.

Anyway, I hope everyone will enjoy my blog or continue to enjoy it if you follow it!


Another potty update

Yesterday I had hoped to post this but I got side tracked with rearranging my living room and that took longer than I had expected so its being posted now. 🙂
Owens progress is great! Sunday he wasn’t in a diaper almost the entire day and even napped without a diaper and no accidents!
Monday was the same and also napped without a diaper and no accidents until after his nap. He woke up in a bit of a funk, I think due to the heat, and didn’t want to cooperate anymore and kept peeing in his underwear so back in a diaper he went!
At night and in the mornings until he poops he’s in a diaper. He isn’t telling me when he needs to poop like he does when he needs to pee and I don’t really want another poop on the floor incident. :/
I do know when he is going to poop because he has scheduled poops, weird i know, but anytime I try to get him to poop on the potty he freaks out. I don’t want him regress because of pressure so we’ll let him take the lead like we’ve been doing because its working.
I had doubts that he would be potty trained by his birthday but with how quickly he’s learning he just might be! At least day trained. Night potty training is a whole new thing I don’t know how to go about but we’ll worry when we reach that battle. 🙂


No use crying over a dead fish

Today is a different day than most. Either I’m highly emotional or I really care for fish. :/
A little while ago we decided to set up an aquarium of fish for Owen to give him some responsibility. It was seriously one of the better ideas we’ve had. Owen loves his tank! Every morning he wakes up and feeds his fish then around lunch time he feeds them again and we turn on their light and then at bed time he feeds them one last time and we turn out their light. We’ve named all of them but one, can’t seem to figure out a good name for him yet. And yes I said him because we made sure to get all males so we wouldn’t have an infestation of babies like we had once before when we had a tank set up before we had Owen haha. All but two fish are mollies and platys. The other two are a plecostamus named Poop (Owen named him), and an awesome dragon fish goby named Haku. Of all the fish Poop and Haku are his favorite, but Haku trumps them all. He’s a dragon! We named him after the dragon on Spirited Away because he looks like him and it is also Owen’s favorite movie.
When we first set up the tank Owen was going through a very hyper phase and he wasn’t listening very much which was why I decided giving him a responsibility might help with that. It so did!!! Owen would watch and watch the fish for long spans, longer than he’s ever paid any attention to anything, and he’s started listening better. I don’t known if its because we gave him something to help him focus on or what that has made him a lot more behaved or if its just that point in his development and it just so happened to be a coincidence we got the tank at the same time haha. Whatever it is, the tank still was a good idea for the fact that Owen feeds them himself and helps him understand how to take care of things because the greenhouse we set up for him didn’t work out so well haha.
Getting the fish also showed me that Owen does play favoritism. Haku being his favorite, he cares for so deeply. He checks up on his hundreds of times everyday and even when we’re not home Owen talks about Haku. It’s so cute!
But a recently Haku has been acting strange, well stranger… And I brought up his behavior to Bryan but we both kind of shrugged it off because we honestly don’t know much about his species of fish. Today however I knew something just had to be wrong. Haku wasn’t feeding off the rocks or swimming around like he normally does, which is very little normally, but he wasn’t swimming at all and constantly lying on his side and taking really big breaths when normally you never really see him breath at all.
I researched his behavior and found out he basically is dying slowly because he needs to live in brackish water and we have him in freshwater. The girl at the pet store told us he could live in either fresh or salt water so obviously she was clueless what brackish meant and that it means he comes from waters that are semi salty.
Haku isn’t looking good at all and I’ve been doing my best to sidetrack Owen from noticing but he knows there’s something wrong but all I can do is try to keep his mind off of it until Bryan gets home from work this evening. If haku is still alive then we’re headed to the pet store to get all the necessities we need to keep haku alive.
If haku dies I really don’t know what we’re going to do. He was the last of his kind at the pet store and I didn’t see any at the other pet store. There are a few more pet stores in our area that we might need to check out because Owen would really be devastated if we didn’t have a haku anymore. 😦
So I’m really hoping haku pushes thorough although its not looking good. 😦
So I haven’t check my biorhythms in a while and that might be why I’m so bent out of shape from this but honestly I think it’s mainly because I can’t stand to see Owen upset.



My Breastfeeding Experience

This is a long one so fair warning before you get yourself into this and then decide to scroll down to see how much is left and find out its a freaking novel and you just wasted so much time reading this when you don’t even have the time to read it in the first place hahaha.

In the beginning, even before I had Owen, I thought breast feeding was going to be something that came second nature. I was going to know how to do it and it was going to be easy. I never gave much research into it before Owen arrived so I had no warning that it wasn’t at all going to be what I thought.
I’m sure for some women out there it really is second nature and they won’t struggle with it at all, but from my observation those lucky women are the minority. At least this day in age they are. When formula was invented for substitution of breast milk and mass produced for even the women who didn’t have premature babies, it caused the major problem with breast feeding no longer being as easy as it once was. The formula fed generations had no knowledge on breast feeding and were never handed down the knowledge to pass on to their children therefore feeding into the increasing need for formula and women struggling to make breast feeding work.
I am a prime example of a clueless breast feeder. I was formula fed. My mother never passed down the valuable information I needed to know to help me succeed with breast feeding. I don’t blame her though. It is in no way her fault. But lacking the knowledge made me naive and think it all comes naturally.
When Owen was born all seemed to be going well in the hospital with breast feeding. We didn’t have any problems except I made the mistake of sending him to the nursery for a bit to catch up on some sleep and when they wheeled him back to my room they had a formula bottle in his bed. Back then, even though it was only 3 years ago, they didn’t really care if they formula fed a breast feeding baby. It’s changed now though at that hospital. But it upset me some because after that Owen seemed to want to stick with the formula.
When we came home from the hospital we stick with exclusively breast feeding and it wasn’t until the second day home we started having major problems. I became badly engorged and did all that I could to help it. Even though the pain was agonizing I was trying to push through it and tried to continue to nurse Owen. It was the most difficult thing I had ever experienced at that point, even my labor with Owen wasn’t as traumatizing as breast feeding.
I kept saying “the nurses said its never suppose to hurt!” Because that’s what they told me in the hospital. Even the lactation consultant told me that. She said if it hurt then I was doing it wrong. She never told me you could get engorged or what mastitis is. I never experience mastitis with Owen but nursing while engorged was pretty terrible. I thought I was doing it wrong and causing myself to become engorged. I let myself down. Everything was my fault. The words burned into my mind “if it hurts you’re doing it wrong”. I did everything wrong!
Or so I thought… Breast feeding was a battle after that and we didn’t last longer than a month and Owen became a formula fed baby. Nothing wrong with that but it wasn’t what I wanted for him.
When I became pregnant with Jett I did all the research possible to establish a good breast feeding experience this time around. I discovered that what I had been told in the hospital was all wrong. Breast feeding can hurt. Nothing was my fault except maybe for the lack of knowledge I had going into it, but even the lactation consultant should have known better.
When Jett was born, like with Owen, breast feeding was going really well in the hospital. I didn’t need any help. It wasn’t painful. I had no questions. It was great! My milk came in immediately and I didn’t get too engorged like I had with Owen, but right at the end of the first week breast feeding became agonizing and I dreaded every feeding. I was trying to push through it for about a week and it just kept getting worse, so I began to pump. Pumping was way more tolerable than nursing but I wasn’t producing enough to keep up with Jett’s demand even after pumping several times close together and saving the milk and combining it, it still was never enough for him and nursing was still far too painful to do.
I had to bring out the formula. I felt like I failed once again but had intended it to be temporary while I pumped through the pain. The pain had a passed after almost a week and I was ready to nurse again. The first couple of days it was a little painful but nothing at all like it was before and the more I did it the less painful it was. As soon as i was comfortable with breast feeding again another problem arose. My let down was hard and causing Jett to choke. I was doing all that I could to help him but nothing was working and nursing became another battle for me. He started screaming at even the sight, smell, or touch of my breast and refused to nurse. It was so heartbreaking because I felt it was all my fault. It’s my body so it’s my fault. In reality it’s nothing I could control though. Jett was now almost 100% formula fed until I discovered that he would nurse at night when he was groggy and didn’t know any better and lying down seemed to help with the let down. It was going great for about a month. Formula fed in the day and breastfed at night. It was what worked for us. I even tried laying down in the day to nurse but Jett hated it and freaked out if I even tried. So we stuck with the night nursing… Until he became 2 months.
He turned 2 months on July 5th and today is the 8th. July 5th I got mastitis. It was the worse! Nursing at night wasn’t easy but I pushed through the pain but at a point Jett wasn’t having it and I had to make a bottle. I figured that would be okay and wouldn’t come in the way of our night nursing, we had given him the bottle at night plenty of times before so it shouldn’t have had any effect. In less than 24 hours I was back to normal but our routine wasn’t. Jett would no longer nurse at night. 2 nights in a row Jett has barely nursed and needed 2 bottles each night.
I’m freaking out and thinking this is it. He’s weaning himself early. I’ve failed! I almost gave up, but then became determined to try to get Jett to be exclusively breast feeding. I know it’s not too late to re-establish my supply if its gone down at all. I know a forceful letdown is often the cause of over supply but i have know way of telling if it is true for me. So first we’ll actually start on getting through the forceful letdown. Nursing when Jett is wide awake is a flop and Jett still freaks out if I even try to nurse and wont even attempt to latch on. It’s hell, but like I said I’m determined to make this work out. So hopefully it just takes some time to train him and maybe we can find a way past or some way to get through the hard let down.
In all my experience, I now know breast feeding is not second nature, it can hurt, and not all the advice you receive will work for you. It’s different for everyone but there are going to be others out there who have had similar experiences and think they know how to fix your “problems”. I take all advise and give it all a chance but i know it doesn’t all work. It’s my job to find what will work for me and Jett and so now I am on a whole new journey to figure it out. I’ll keep posting updates as often as possible. 🙂